Back into the wilderness. WHERE THEY BELONG!

What on earth was she thinking?
My mother, a compassionate animal lover, took it upon herself to bring home three orphaned baby skunks. I was not impressed when she had to leave for the weekend, and asked me to take care of them. To my horror, it was also prom weekend.
Here is my story.
I was left with the simple instruction of; picking each on up carefully with it's tail between it's back legs, because a skunk would never spray itself. Also to feed them every 3-4 hours some milk and cat food. I agreed to care for them, only because we negotiated a wage. The biggest mistake I ever made.
Everything went smoothly until it came time to clean the cage. I took them outside and lowered them one by one in a separate crate so I could hose down the cage. After lowering the first skunk, he became anxious in the new environment. I had over looked, his raised back, like a frightened cat his hair stood on end. As I lowered the second skunk, the first one that I had placed in the crate hissed, then flicked his behind toward me. Immediately I felt a warm splash up my arm, yellow in colour, followed by the most disgusting smell I had ever smelled.
I got sprayed.
I immediately placed the third skunk into the crate, and left them all outside. I didn't care what happened to the little buggers now. I was angry beyond belief. How could this happen to me?
I went inside and spent the next few hours, bathing and scrubing and crying.
Finally!!! The smell was gone.
I was still fuming when I went outside to finish what I had started. 'I'll finish cleaning the cage, and the three little stinkers can stay in there for the rest of the weekend. No more individual attention and feedings, I'll just throw the food in, and they can feed themselves.'
I was horrified to find the crate outside empty. 'They're gone, they've escaped, no skunks, no money and I didn't get sprayed for nothing!!!!' I looked everywhere. Where could they be?
Then I spotted them. All three of them, together in the neighbours driveway, wobbling side by side. My sister refused to help me gather them, so I had to risk getting sprayed a second time as I picked all three up in a bundle, and put them back in their cage.
That was it! Besides throwing food in, I made no other contact with the little brutes.
After a few days, they built up their strength and we let them go. Back into the wilderness. WHERE THEY BELONG!

Standing Tall

Hero

A hero stands out. I met him along the way.
I only had the privilage of knowing him one day.
He looked at me with loving eyes, and saw my passion deep inside.
This man spoke of creativity, the word of God, then he turned to me.
A hand he placed on my forehead, he prayed, I closed my eyes.
The words he spoke, touched my heart, soft tears I began to cry.
I had told not a soul, my longing to write and this man whom I just met,
encouraged me to never give up, to never live in regret.
'God annoint these hands, we have here a writer. Guide her Lord, uncover what it is inside her.

Chelle & Dave

8 MONTH ANNIVERSARY
August 22nd, 2006
Wells; Maine

What is it that scares you?

'What is it that scares you about writing?' He knew her more than anyone, and He wanted her to face her fear. Blushing, she replied defensively. 'I'm not scared.' He was not convinced. 'Comm'on I see fear written all over your face.' Finally she broke.
'It's personal. I write about my dreams, my passions, my fears, my insecurities, my secrets.' She paused to collect herself. 'My secrets revealed. It exposes pieces of my personality that I’ve never felt before. All the feelings and emotions I hold back.’ Without thinking she added, ‘my anger.’ Covering her mouth she could not believe the word that had just escaped.
Years of being hurt over and over again, had been silenced into words on paper. That was her way of dealing with it, instead of voicing what she believed to be true.
Falling to her knee’s she cried to herself on the inside, keeping the tears inside to bleed her heart.
‘It hurts so bad,’ the lump in her throat choking her every word.

Favorite quote

This is one of my most favrorite quotes. Think about it... What does it mean to you?

"If who I am is what I have,
and what I have is lost.
Then who am I?"

Who I am??

What is it that you see in me?
that you know for sure you want to be with me,
for the rest of your life.
What is it that you wanna see?
What part of my personality,
is it that you like?

Because I'm changing everyday,
will you still love me tomorrow?
I'm up and down, still have not found who I am.
In this world I'm a troubled girl,
Who can't figure out what this life's about.
I wander these empty streets, I've lost a part of me.
I don't know what to do, and so I shadow you.

Losing grip of reality.
Doing my best to keep everyone happy,
I worry to much I know.
Trying to please, I've lost my dreams.
Life it seems, has no meaning.
I've let myself go.

Don't leave me hanging, say that you'll stay.
I'll always love you forever.
Please understand, that I'm still searching for who I am.
In this world, I'm a troubled girl.
Who can't figure out what this life's about.
I wander these empty streets, I've lost a part of me.
I don't know what to do, and so I shadow you.

I've let myself go,
so who I am?  I don't really know.
But I'll figure it out, on my own.
____________________________________________________________________

Be content with who you are, because in this world nobody is perfect. Everyone has their flaws, it's when you concentrate on what's wrong that you lose sight of all the good and wonderful qualities that you have.

Learn from the past.
Focus on the present.
Prepare for the future.

Life changing experience

For a moment, she didn't want to believe it. The room around her spun. Could it be true? Blinking her eyes, once, twice, even a third time, didn't change what lie before her. 'Don't give up now', she told herself. 'You can do this'. Looking in the mirror, she did not recognize the reflection staring back at her. That of a young woman, brave and courgeous. For the first time in her life, she wasn't afraid.

Message to Michelle (on Birthday Card)

HOW TO MAKE
A Beautiful Life

Reflections For A Daughter
On Her Birthday

Love yourself.
MAKE PEACE with who you are
And where you are
At this moment in time.

Listen to your heart.
If you can’t hear what it’s saying
In this noisy world,
Make Time for yourself.
Enjoy your own company.
Let your mind wander among the stars.
Try.
Take chances.
MAKE MISTAKES.
Life can be messy
And confusing at times,
But it’s also full of surprises.
The next rock in your path
might be a stepping-stone.

Be happy.
When you don’t have what you want,
want what you have.

MAKE DO.
That’s a well-kept secret of contentment.
There aren’t any shortcuts to tomorrow.
You have to Make Your Own Way.
To know where you’re going
is only part of it.
You need to know where you’ve been, too.
And if you ever get lost, don’t worry.
The people who love you will find you.
Count on it.

Life isn’t days and years.
It’s what you do with time
And with all the goodness and grace
That’s inside you.

MAKE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE…
The kind of life you deserve.

love
Mom & Dad

Michelle's 22nd Birthday - August 6, 2006

Michelle's 22nd Birthday in Ottawa, Ontario with family.

Mothers womb

Blanketed in your mother's womb, cushioned with gentle care...
His creation, under supervision, through each and every hair.
Tiny fingers, little toes, your itty bitty ears and your button nose.
Your eyes soon will see the light of day, the world welcomes you with open arms.
Do not be afraid my child, do not feel alarmed.

Simplify your life

Keep it simple, life is complicated enough.
You only live once, take each day as it comes...
Through the bad there is good, keep your head up high.
Challenge yourself everyday, reach for the sky.

Be my...

Be my lantern in the dark, be my shelter in the rain,
Be my friend when I am lonely, be my antidote for the pain.
Be my voice when I'm afraid to say what it is I feel,
Be my mind, let me not be decieved by things that aren't real.
Be my strength, when the current pulls at my feet,
Be my wisdom, in this maze, for no hurdle I can't beat.
Be my hands, when I write. Be the vision in my mind.
Be my creations in the making, be my patience when there's no time.
Be my map when I am lost, be my compass to guide me in the right direction.
Be my blanket when I am cold, cover me under your protection.

Visiting Prescott

Lost In Thought

Live, Love, Forgive

Rest your eyes, don't look back, don't cry
Start over fresh, see everything from a new perspective....
Your heart is changing, your path is taking on a new direction.
Feel comfort knowing, I'll be your protection.
Do one thing every day that scares you,
Realize what it is that you can do.
Break down the barriers, find strength within.
Staying inside the box your not really living.
Your life I have planned to it's full potential...
Pay attention to the signs, the details are essential.
Live, Love, Forgive.

A simple answer

Writing brings inner peace. Without that peace I would be at war with myself. I would never understand myself. I see myself as a math problem that needs to be solved. You work at it and you work at it until you have the answer. Writing is my answer to all life's problems.

Remember me old friend....

Characters are interesting, the creating, the becoming. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually you become every character in the making. What is your motivation? Your beliefs? How do you move, speak, react in certain situations?
I dream of that place, my own personal space, where I can create.
A pen in my hand and and attitude of "stop at nothing". Be your character, be your worst fear, feel the emotion that scares you to death. Involve every aspect of your personality, your heart.
Writing is sometimes upsetting. It draws up an old memory/feeling and putting it on paper hits the sensitive spot again. All comes back like a slap in the face. I am in that place long enough to write the experience.... then I pull myself away.
It is physically and emotionally exhausting, but worth being able to reach out to the part of my heart that needs healing.
How something good can come out of something so bad.
I talk to the one's involved, the people in my life and I try to understand.
How does a woman so brutally abused by words, the scars of a lifetime so deep. Penetrating deeper and deeper. How does she go back? Again and again and again.
She believes there is no hope. This was her plan. She feels that she does not deserve better. This is all she has, so she spends her time convincing herself it will work. She loves him, she supports him, while losing her support. She is empty. She has nothing. She gave everything and lost everything. I saw the suffering, her struggles to please. When all she needed was love. Someone to say, "You are a good mother"
"You are beautiful, talented and able to do anything your heart desires."
"You are worth so much, you deserve to be treated right. With the utmost respect, because without you nothing would be the same."
She was tired, she worked hard, she was empty.
Our relationship was tough love. I trusted her, I loved her like a mother and I hated her for taking him back. He, the abuser.... again and again. No longer was she a victim but a volenteer. I never understood her motives until I felt her pain in a relationship of my own.
My heart ached and I prayed that he might change.
He was angry, above everyone, and a slave to his addiction. Yet I stayed. Why?
He was my first love. Twenty years I waited and wasted on a man who could never love.
His heart cold, bitter, jealous, so full of hate.
There was no empathy, no compassion, that the only person he cared for was himself. Yet I stayed. Why?
I thought things would get better. I fantasized a life with him that would never be.
___________________________________________________________________

I read the above to the woman who inspired it all. Funny thing is I wrote it on her birthday, which I had completely forgotten about. (June 19th)
I wrote it, and I knew I had to read it to her. I did.
I got to the part, "I never understood her motives, until I felt her pain for myself in a relationship of my own." I stopped reading and cried. Trying to collect myself for the next paragraph. I turn the page, view what is left to tell her & push myself to the finish line.

I think my reason for being there was to give her a message that she would never forget & saying goodbye to that part of my life. Remember me old friend...
Do not forget all those things I said. I meant every word.
Let this birthday change your life. The decisions are yours be wise.
Your friend,
Chelle

The mystery behind the movie

Our trip to Detroit; Michigan, our last stop before heading back over the boarder to Canada. "White Castle", who would've thought it actually existed??? It does.... It does!!!
My boyfriend Dave and I were so thrilled we had to take a picture!!!

Happy Birthday Cindy

Numb Feel

Fast asleep, my body numb
Can't move, can't speak, can't undo what's been done
What's happened has happened, just let it be.
The past is in the past, but holds a part of me.
Numb the pain, the inside anger.
Numb the sirens, red lights of danger.
Numb your spirit, let the fire die.
Numb your emotions, there's no need to cry.
Numb your love for the hurt it brings,
Numb yourself of all things.
Numb your body of the hurt in the past,
Numb the memories you don't want to last.
Numb moment that brings you power, entertainment release.
Numb the one you've tried forever, and still cannot seem to please.
Numb the one who broke your heart and told you nothing but lies.
Numb the one who told you so, the one who thinks she's so wise.
Numb the one who laughs in your face, when something doesn't go right.
Remember we all make mistakes, from darkness there is light.
Numb the imperfections you cannot change.
Numb the insecurities, the people you blame.
Numb the opportunity that passed you by.
When you thought you were not good enough and never bothered to try.
Numb the girl you compared yourself to, the one you wished to walk a day in her shoes.
Numb the shame you hold onto, before it becomes your life, before it controls you.
Numb the possibility you won't get picked, if your not what their looking for atleast you tried it.
Time to make some changes, because numbing out the world will not solve your problems.
Open your eyes, take a look around, PAY CLOSE ATTENTION, so when problems arrive you can solve them.
Wake up, what does your body feel??
take time away for yourself.
Feel the pain, don't keep in the anger.
Feel the need to forgive, be weary of danger.
Feel the weight being lifted off your shoulders,
Feel comfortable when someone wants to hold you
Feel the love, mend your broken heart.
Feel the hurt that made you fall apart.
Feel the memories, let the healing begin
Feel your strengths, not the weakness within.
Feel the moment that brings you pleasure with no shame,
for all the times you cross that line, you've only yourself to blame.
Feel the defense arise, when someone you love can only criticize.
You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be like someone else....
Feel the need to be you, and no one else..... otherwise you'll lose yourself.
Feel these feelings, deal with them as they come.....
numbing it out, holding it inside, the battle cannot be won.
Feel the courage to ask for help.... you don't need to go through this alone.
And He will give you a helping hand, He will lead you home.

Fate???

Fate????

I'm walking through the Rideau Center and I run into someone I went to Highschool with..... We were both talking on cell phones, recognized each other at the same moment.... wow!!! We got off our phones immediately and tried to catch up.... years in a matter of minutes. Jobs, school, life.
I was on my way to the market to hand out resumes, which proceeded to do after our chat. I called my boyfriend back to tell him the news.
While in the Market, I came across the restaurant in which my old highschool buddy had just got hired. I walk in with a resume, and found myself in the middle of a group interview. Most of them were on their second or third. I missed the 3hr. assessment too. How shocked was I to be interviewed on the spot. Turns out the restaurant is opening up in a new location. I wondered which location she was going to work at?
It's evening and I've been out in the market for 4hrs. I arrive at my boyfriends house, only to realize we needed a few groceries tonight. We walk over to Billings Brigde. To Loblaws then to Zellers.... and guess who I run into again, 5 hours later???? My highscool buddy. Not to mention, there is a possibility that we could work together at the same restaurant.

Straight Stretch

Walking along this road, that stretches as far as the eye can see....
No idea where it ends, or where it is taking me

Who's Chicken?

This journey.... where is it leading me? I was told to not keep it to myself but to write about it.
I've been living in Ottawa now for over a month. I truly appreciate all the support from everyone. Thank you.
I'm catching on quickly to the new job at "Swiss Chalet", and today I recieved a phone call from another restaurant, that I got a job there.
Two jobs... That'll keep me busy.
Both the same line of work but very different from each other.
One being a private restaurant (more of a family environment), and the other a chain restaurant (hmmm.... What shall I eat today??? Chicken? Chicken? Or how about chicken?)
Needless to say...... I am still a fan of chicken.
BUT...... I think I need to calm down a little bit.

I'M IN LOVE!!!

I'm alive... I am born again. this feeling is new... and I'm overcome by it's strength. It devours me from head to toe.... I want to dance.
I want to tell the world.... I'm in love!!!!
I'M IN LOVE!!!!!
My breath caught in my throat... No words can even begin to decribe, what it is that dwells inside.. I'M IN LOVE!!!!
My heart beats faster, for this marathon will never end... A race without a finish line... my love for you is endless.
Soaring high in the sky, I want to shout above the tree tops...
I'M IN LOVE!!
My body is numb......... pinch me........ am I dreaming???
I'M IN LOVE!!!

Vote for Cindy - Ottawa Sun Model Search

For the vote to be counted, Cindy's identification number and name MUST appear in the subject line. NO OTHER VOTES WILL BE COUNTED.

11:11.... What is it?

April 3rd, 2003
I'm all alone in this world of mine
I am weak and I am strong from time to time
Nowhere to go, no place but here
Now I must face my deepest fear
It started back in my childhood...
even then I never understood,
how life seems to go by so fast,
and never knowing which day is my last.

April 5th, 2003
I've had the same dream three nights now, and I wake up remembering a number... the same number. In my dream I have limited amount of time to figure out the meaning, it is a matter of life and death. I'm frantic, on the verge of lunacy.... The number is 1111.
Does this mean anything?
___________________________________________________________________

Before I'd had those dreams... I'd never even so much as noticed a 111 or 1111. Maybe I had just never payed attention? Some of you are familiar with the whole make a wish when you see 11:11.
I didn't even so much as know it was a wishing number.

For me... the number was a huge eye opener. It opened my eyes to the changes that I desperately needed to make.
As you can see from the "April 3rd" entry... I was paralyzed by fear... I was afraid of death. I had kept this to myself.
I was afraid of everything, and my imagination would get carried away.... I envisioned death everywhere. This is the first I've ever gone into depth about it.
I became a constant worrier... every time I crossed the street, got into a car, walked alone at night, was home alone... the list goes on. My heart would race, I would hold my breath, I became nauseous.

In the 1111 dream... I was in a race against time. I remember vivid details, such as leaping out of the way of a transport with 1111 in huge print on it's side... and searching for a ticket with that same number... I remember my frantic state.. WHAT IS IT???? A DATE? A TIME? A MESSAGE? A PHONE NUMBER? ADDRESS? The dream was a puzzle, and I was missing all of the pieces.

Since then... I became aware of the number 1111 in all of it's forms. It almost seemed as though my eyes were drawn to the clock frequently at 11:11. I began to wonder... question the meaning of it. Is there meaning? I gave up. Thought it to be just coincidence.

But there are no coincidences.

When I was in college... just for sheer stupidity, I took it a step further. Went to google... typed in 1111. The top link was a page with the heading... "The 1111 Explanation". My jaw dropped. Others are seeing it to?? It is believed that the numbers are signs, that angels use to communicate. To be aware of your surroundings, possible changes you need to make, or a new door that is opening for you, and a signal to let you know you are on the right track, depending on your situation. I began to think of all of the times I saw the number.... most occurred when I was causing self destruction, which at the time made me really angry when I saw the number, because in a way it made me feel guilty.
Other times were a slap of awareness, leaving me with an uneasy feeling. Driving back from Toronto with my dad a taxi cut out in front of us... last four digits of cab number 1111. I look over at my dad and he is half asleep, I felt uncomfortable, and asked him to pull over to rest.
1111 on occasion leaves me with a feeling I can't ignore.

I thought... angels? Maybe.
I began a search... not even knowing what I was looking for.
I asked for answers... not even knowing who I was asking.

Then it happened... One day, I was in the library at the college. At the very moment in my life, when I had asked for help... an angel was sent. We became friends, and her family became a part of my family.
It was then that I began a relationship with God.
My life has been forever changed.... and still only just beginning.

God has shown me areas in my life that need work.
___________________________________________________________________

Sept. 29th, 2005
I began studying the bible, and journalizing.
I came to a verse..

"Right then three men who had been sent to me from Caesarea stopped at the house where I was staying. The spirit told me to have no hesitation about going with them. These six brothers also went with me, and we entered the man's house. He told us how he seen an angel appear in his house and say, 'Send to Joppa for Simon who is called Peter. He will bring you a message through which all you and your household will be saved.'

As I read.... stopped at the house... spirit... hesitation.. the strangest thing happened.
A dream that I'd had the night before, that I had completely forgotten about had come to me right then and there at that moment.
It was as though I was having it over again... clear as day. The feelings especially. My hair stood on end, as the eerieness of it all came back to me.

The dream
"A man with one good leg was limping down the street while dragging his bad leg and supporting himself with a cain. I could hear the sound of his foot scraping against the pavement from inside my house. Scrrrrr, Scrrrrr, Scrrr... closer... closer. I was petrified, so escaped out the back door of my house as he he approached the front door. He knocked on my door, but I had already left. The sound of his foot dragging lingered.
Suddenly I stopped running... "Why was I running away in the first place?" I hesitated before deciding to go back. My inner concience was fighting against me... "Get away... RUN!!!" I ignored it, and went back. I took the long way, and met the man on the end of my driveway. At first I was suspicious... but his gentle eyes eased my nerves. Guilt spread over me as I realized... "This man is disabled, what if he needed my help?"
I asked the man "is there anything I can help you with?"
I lead him back to my house and noticed that the front door was wide open. I hesitated again... and ignored it.
I helped the man inside.
As soon as he was inside... the gentleness suddenly left his eyes and his expression became hard and dark. His strength was not that of a disabled man as he swung the door shut and threw his cain."

I went back to journalize the verse Act 11:11-14... coincidence I think not. That was indeed God.
In the end.... Act 11:14 - He will bring you a message.

The message was clear....
I was living in a fantasy world. On many occasions, I ignored that inner voice... I knew it was wrong, it felt wrong and I brushed it off. I wanted to trust everyone, I wanted to be friends with everyone... and I didn't want to believe that anyone could ever hurt me.
I opened myself up, and I was hurt. I gave my heart and I was lied to. I was warned well in advance, and I ignored it.
The message: If I don't start trusting my instincts, and listen to what it is telling me... I could end up in serious trouble.

God is there watching over.... God protects... God loves.

Brief Outline

It's been an exciting weekend!! First of all, I went to a job fair on Thurs. and recieved a few phone calls and interview bookings!! Have an interview today at 3:30pm as a matter of fact! Friday night was great, I went home to my parents house for supper, and after went into town, to watch "Scribble". They've got a busy weekend ahead, playing Friday & Saturday in Prescott and two shows Sunday in Pembrooke. Good luck boys!

Went to a show last night with my Grandparents... "Red Hot Blues; presented by: The Capital Chordettes" It was fantastic!!

This week is gonna fly... mom's birthday coming up, and the trip to Detroit;Michigan to meet Dave's family!

Anyways, just a brief outline of this weeks events. I'm off to church.

Songs & more songs....

Wanted out

Wish that I could take it all back.
Don't know where I'm going, I'm tired of exploring.
Iknow that I, I'm in so deep.
So leave me alone! I'm tired and I need some sleep.

So let me let it out
Cuz I'm building up in anger
I know it's not you...
I'm so confused.
And it's been awhile so you should come back now.
Didn't think that you were serious when you said you... Wanted out.

I've lost my mind thinking about you.
I can't control it, you wouldn't know it...
So hard to live without you by my side.
I didn't think, you'd leave without saying goobye.

So let me let it out
Cuz I'm building up in anger
I know it's not you...
I'm so confused.
and it's been awhile so you should come back now.
Didn't think you were serious when you said you... wanted out.
___________________________________________________________________

Something More

Fight temptations, there's a reason for living,
there's something more.
It's not about winning, if you start believing there's a plan in store for you.
Reality of lies... the media thinks for us and how life should be.
Glamourized onscreen, photo's in magazines... what beauty is??

There's something more, don't close the doors
Don't get torn down, by what they say
Yes, friendship hurts and rumours start
Don't play their games, some people just want you to feel the same.

Don't loose your dream, even though it seems so far away
Always look ahead, no need to second guess where your heart is leading you.

Start Again

We've all had our up's & downs... the good times, and bad.
A few years ago, I wrote this song.. the true meaning of it has been a mystery, but lately the relationship that has required the most renovating is the one with my mother.
My mother is the world to me... I love her so much. I have so much respect for her, but as a rebelling teenager I took for granted all that she has done. She has always been there for me, always. I've grown and matured so much these last few years, and the relationship is blossoming.
Last year I took her to church for her birthday... was actually the first time I stepped into a church since I was a child. I know, on that day, God was watching over us. I could feel it. During the service I hugged her, and I didn't want to let go. I wanted to make up for my absence, right there all in just that moment. I will never forget that day! Ever!! Even now, that I have moved away from home.... for the second time, I hold you close and dear to my heart mom. I miss you!!!
Mom & dad till this day still go to church... Even though I'm not there, I'm still with you.
___________________________________________________________________
Start Again
Hard to surface, I'm running out of air.
Don't know what direction, or anybody who cares?
I'm looking for an answer for this problem I'm into...
Cuz I can't figure it out or how to go about the situation.
I'm not giving up, I'm not letting go.
There's no one there but me... So why can't I be free?

Cuz I wanna hold on,
you only live so long,
and I'm trying to hide,
that I'm drowning inside.
I wanna turn things around,
I want me feet back on the ground.
I wanna start again.

If only I, could start again I'd try,
to make things better, instead of saying good bye
I'm struggling below the surface and I don't know why..
Cuz with out a doubt we can figure out this relationship.
I'm not giving up, I'm not letting go.
That's how it has to be, so why can't you see.

That I wanna hold on,
you only live so long,
and I'm trying to hide that drowning inside.
I wanna turn things around, I want my feet back on the ground.
I wanna start again.

So I called you on the phone..
"Is it to late to come home?"

Can you forgive me mom...
All along I was wrong
I'm so sorry that I, did not apologize.
No, I didn't call to fight only wandered if you might...
Give me a second chance?

So we can start again... I want to start again.

I am.... myself

I hesitate... my heart pounding hard. So hard it feels as though it's ready to pound out of my chest. Inhale, exhale slowly. Anything to calm myself down.
I take the escalator, to the third floor. I become anxious, the escalator seems slower than usual... I walk up the rest of the way, as if gliding up a flight of stairs. All around me there are people scattered in all directions. My hands... I no longer feel them. Cold. So cold.
Breathe.... I keep reminding myself. I tend to hold my breath, without even realizing it.
I walk past the food court... The buzzing of conversations, the smell of grease, the crying baby... FOCUS!!! Stay focused.
I walk into the Restaurant, where I am to have my interview.

I'm reminded of the words.... "Don't think about it... just do it,
as long as you've done your best, the rest is out of your control. If you get the job or vice versa.. it was meant to be".

I become immediately relaxed. I smile. I am myself.

What happens from there is out of my control.

Keep Going..... we will meet again.

Everything crashes in, hard, fast... I am overwhelmed by how powerful it is.
The force so strong it knocks me off my feet, and washes over me.
I am helpless, I don't try to fight it... I let it carry me.
I have simply just given up, and what ever happens.... happens.
I stop... something faint in the distance is calling. I listen...
I can't make out the words, but I know I'm not alone.
A sudden burst of energy fills me from the inside and out, and with all that I have in me... I fight against the current that is pulling me. I'm not going to die like this.
Closer, closer... I am so close. My body aches from head to toe, I'm out of breath and completely exhausted. I convince myself that I cannot go any further. I accept that I am going to drown.
Then I hear it... the faint sound, a voice... so close it is almost on top of me. It is encouraging... and I have made up my mind that I am going to fight until the very end. I gather up my strength, the pain is immense, I keep going.
Muscles tense, burning, I loose all sensation, I keep going.
Vision a blur, eyes stinging, I keep going.
Out of breath, dehydrated, physically drained, I keep going.
Close... so close... closer.
Finally I am able to stand on solid ground. My legs weak, feel like jello.
I stummble, as the waves crashing in buckle my knee's. I want to drop.... but I keep going.
The shoreline... is completely visible now, but it all remains a blur to me. My eyes sting. I am blind.
My hands out in front of me... I keep going.
Then I hear it.... the voice that kept me going.
"I knew that you would make it, I'm so proud of you"
I reach out, and He takes me by the hand.
His hand so warm, so gentle, so familiar.
I want to see His face... but the moment my eyes clear He is gone.
And I know.... I know.. that if I keep going, we will meet again.

READ THIS!!!!

I found this newspaper article.... I'm not sure how old it is, I found it in my basement about a year ago & it touched my heart. Thought I'd share it with you.


Dear Abby: I hope you find this worthy of your column:
"At a certain moment, a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.
"When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine, And don't call this my "deathbed". Call it my "Bed of Life", and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.
"Give my sight to a man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eye's of a woman.
"Give my heart to a person who's heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain.
"Give my blood to the teen-ager who has been pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.
"Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine from week to week.
"Take my bones, every muscle, every fibre and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.
"Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if neccessary, and let them grow so that someday a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her window.
"Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.
"If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses, and all prejudice against my fellow man.
"Give my soul to God.
"If by chance you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live on forever."

Author Unknown

Take me..... Tell me

Whisper your words, let me know your still there.
feeling so far away, empty monolongues of prayer.

Take me away, Take me with you.
Need your footsteps to follow.
Take me, take me.

So afraid I've disappointed you.... won't you still let me in?
I want to start over before it all ends...
Please tell me..... where to begin.

Tell me the way, tell me the truth.
Need your footsteps to follow.
Tell me, tell me.

Take me, Tell me....
Guide me with your shining light.
Come take me away.
Tell me... I'll be ok.

Another busy week....

I've been keeping myself really busy this week... A big list of things to do, and already I've accomplished so much. Taking huge steps, and reaching high. I had thought about pushing school ahead until next year, I truly appreciate the encouragement of friends and family. It is important for me to finish my education A.S.A.P. So i'm back on my feet again striving for this come Sept.
No more excuses.
I'm still in the process of job search... Tomorrow I'm handing out resumes.
Thursday... Dave and I stopped in for lunch at Nick's Restaurant. Mmmmmm souvlaki.... tzatziki yummmmmm.

Last night Dave came and picked me up... had a night full of surprses. Wow. We stopped of at the mall, and my pocket started ringing.. Oh my, I was very confused. Turns out Dave planted a cell phone in my jacket pocket when he met me at the door. Very sweet, and always just a phone call away.

Downtown Ottawa, Dave had made reservations at a restaurant called "Hy's"... I walked in, and I didn't even know where to begin looking. I was so overwhelmed my the atmosphere... stunning.
Candle lit, creative and artistic... majestic, mysterious, peaceful, a truly relaxing experience.
Reserved a table by the fire.... where all the steak was grilled right there before us. The most amazing caesar salad, prepared in the most unique way, right at the table. Fantastic Red wine.

I even broke through the barriers of the unknown... and tried for the first time, Oyster. Sooooo good. Even better with lemon.

It was sooo nice. The whole evening.
Mission of the month: Learn how to make steak.

Another busy week lies ahead.

I made it

Everything around me seems to be moving, and yet here I am standing still. It's all a blur. This last week has been absolutely crazy. My trip to Belleville was amazing... I got to see my old high school buddies. Bonus... Was given music lessons (Piano & Guitar), over a period of two days (7 hours)!!!! Had some time to relax, and had some great food at "Montanna's".... Had chicken. Mmmmmmm. You will soon realize my weak spot for good chicken. Actually both meals I made my boyfriend Dave, "Chicken Parmasan" and "Chicken Stir Fry".... Think he's caught on to my fetish. Ok ok... I've been trying not to think about it, but my knee's are shaking from lack of Souvlaki... that is by far the bait!! Just the smell and I'm lured in. I'm stopping by the restaurant on Thursday.
Off topic... anyway. Got back from Belleville, than headed out to Petawawa for the weekend. My boyfriends band "Scribble" had a gig at "The Hawks Nest"... a two nighter. Was fantastic!!!
Then on Sunday "Scribble" played at the "Cafe Ole" in Pembrooke. That was absolutely amazing!!! It wasn't just a performance.... the boys, so full of energy... let their personalities come out on stage. Hilarious! Not to mention also on that Sunday the four origional songs on the "Scribble CD" played on the Pembrooke radio station!!! Congratulations and well desreved u guys are terrific.
And Dave.... "I'm so proud of you! You've come so far in life, and have accomplished so much on your own... you inspire me to do the same. Only now these challenges we face together, and I will always be there for you as you are for me. I encourage you to never give up on your dreams."

I'm finally settled in at my grandparents... It's not as bad as I thought it would be. Tomorrow I'm going to try to get this bus route thing figured out. Have no idea???? Absolutely Clueless.
I'm out for the night....
Just thought I'd let everyone know... that I did not disappear from the face of the earth. I made it here safely, and all is well.

A Realization

Surprised at how well I've been handling everything... under the circumstances. The biggest life change, well the transition of small town to the City. As soon as I recover from the insect bite, my eye starts to swell up... possibly an allergy?? And I'm too stubborn to make a Doctor's Appointment.

I need to pull myself together here.... today, I was completely lost in thought. An emotional nutcase on the brink of loosing my mind. A realization popped into my mind, and snowballed into this reality I've been living.
Everything seems to be happening all at once..... and instead of facing it head on, I keep myself busy, so I don't have to think about it. Which I've clearly done over the past week.
I come home.... and I'm overwhelmed by everything all at once, don't even know where to begin. I'm a mess, unorganized, unfocused.... I panicked momentarily when I had no idea what to do or what day it was. OH NO!!!! I forgot to cancel my G2 test!!! WAS THAT TODAY???????? I almost lost my head.... it's actually tomorrow. Lost my calendar so I have no idea what time it actually is at. Lost my certificate that shows I've had 13 private lessons.... and I'm living out of a suitcase.
I've remained calm through this whole process. It's what I've been trained to do... To be well under pressure, to smile... everything is great.
I'm trying so hard to not break down.... I've been having this urge lately, so strong to find a field in the middle of nowhere and "scream". Sounds silly I know. But just to let it all out. To unleash this feeling deep inside.

It is healthy to express how you feel.... so why is it I have difficulty expressing through words (communication)? Why can I get it down in writing just fine... and not be able to voice it?

My inner child came through today.... I was talking to an old friend, and as soon as I lost it, I couldn't look her in the eyes. I was intimidated, but why?
An old habit, that still lingers.

My personality has made a huge transition over the years... I'm stronger now than I've ever been. I used to have a barrier over my heart and a mask over my face.... All negative emotions I bottled up inside. I didn't want anyone to know if I was hurt, sad, angry, depressed. I never talked about it with anyone.
I let it build up so much... that I became bitter, resentful, jealous for not being able to stand up for myself. For being taken advantage of, over and over again.
At the peak of almost giving up... A realization came to me. "Why are you so afraid?"
I was paralyzed by my own fear.
A fear of everything.
Independence, honesty ( how simple it is to tell someone, you hurt my feelings, then to keep it to yourself).

One more day......

Earlier today, I had brunch with my supervisor & coworkers.... I pushed aside the fact that tomorrow is my last day, and just simply enjoyed being in their company.
We ate at a reastaurant called, "Sam Jay's" in Merrickville. Soooooo good. I ate so much.
Last night was "Crazy busy" at Nicks, I loved it! My adrenelyn got so pumped, I was sky rocketing.... by the end of the night I was toast.

My ankle was throbbing from an insect bite I got the night before, and the constant moving around of the night had aggitated it. So when I woke up today... and couldn't walk, out came the crutches. I wasn't missing this day for the world. Luckily the Tylenol took the pain away, and the benedryl relieved the swelling....which explains why as soon as we finished brunch, within the first five minutes of driving I passed out. Think that's the first time my coworkers have ever seen me..... not all WiNgY.

I have so much to do I don't even know where to begin? After work tomorrow, I'm off to Belleville to visit an old friend for a few days. Then when I come back, I move to Ottawa.... and begin a frantic job search. Yipes!!! Better get my act into gear!

WRITTEN PROOF

I WANT EVERYONE TO SEE THIS!!!!!! I OFFICIALLY HAVE WRITTEN PROOF!!!!!

I'm so excited..... Three years!!!! I've waited three YEARS... and two days before I leave, Ronda confesses!!
It says; I'm going to miss our Friday night "specials" And ya you know "I LOVE YA"

AND NO!!!!!!! I DIDN'T FORGE IT!!!!

For those of you, whom are confused and have one eye brow raised...... check out my post "Tribute"!!!!

My coworkers RULE!!!! Look at the beautiful flowers..... I'm at a loss for words. Thank you..... so much for adopting me, into your family.

I DID IT!!!!!!

Finally finished the "Gollum" painting!!!!! 6 hours...... hands and arms covered in paint and pastel..... BUT LOOK!!!!! Do you believe your eyes????? I did that. Me.
I was almost tempted to just use charcoal.... because it took two hours just to draw the thing..... and I was afraid I'd mess it up with color.
Believe that you can........ and your faith will move mountains.
That is by far the largest picture I've done so far, my first time using a canvas (Which was given to me by my sister, and sitting in my bedroom blank..... for months, while I contemplated on what to paint.... and here it is!

A Hint Of Words

As much I want to tell the world about the book I'm writing..... I must remember to keep all those details to myself.
A hint???

A journey of young girl.... struggling to find identity. Headed in the wrong direction, a stranger to herself, and trapped..... all she has is "poetry".

Small town, big talk, so many rumours,
they think they know, how life's supposed to go, never had a chance no one knew her.
Shuts out the world, becomes withdrawn, lost the encouragement from her real friends.
No big deal, it doesn't matter, can't trust no one, no one understands.....
What she feels inside..... she built these walls to hide behind.
Does no one care????

"Am I the only one? Who knows the right, but still does wrong?
Will I ever be happy again, with myself? I can't help.....
But wonder what is love???

I got this broken heart"

She got down on her knees, the tears streamed down her cheeks, she needed desperately to feel............

"God please help me, I'm so lost, I'm so incomplete.... Please forgive, come and live in my heart"

I her heart..... she felt his Holy Love.

Don't Give Up On Me

I sit here with a world of knowledge at my finger tips..... I have the power and the ability to write anything, yet I know nothing. It all remains a mystery to me.
A mind so preoccuppied, comsumed with curiousity.... The battle begins.
Visualize the cross roads.... the intersection, and many directions, all of which will take you on a journey of
"The Unknown". It's scary, mind boggling, yet adventurous at the same time.
I'm left with a decision, it's tough.... challanging... disturbing.
I become restless.....
I try to separate myself from my emotions, and lose all meaning as I lose everything else in life.
It makes no sense...
A dark hole lies ahead of me, tormenting, beckoning..... and I refuse it..... I am so tired of this tug of war.

I've been down that deep dark hole before, and to go back would be to suffer for all eternity.

To my savior who never gave up on me; my love for you is endless.

Don't give up on me
"I don't know what to do, living with out you....... in my life.
Fading memories, a road of hopes and dreams....... still to come.
Father lead me home.

Early morning and your light shining down on me,
Pray for your guidance and the truth that will set me free,
I'm on my knee's..... so don't you give up on me.

I'm always by your side, don't be afraid to cry........ I'm still here.
Worrying too much, I'll heal you with my touch....... won't you come?
Child I'll lead you home.

Early morning and my light is shining down on you,
Trust me to guide you an I will lead you to the truth,
Always believe...... and don't you give up on me."

Once Upon A Time......

There I was; a child.
Lost.
In search of something.
Anything.

Until one day, I stumble upon a stone.
A pebble..... that I simply ignore.

The following week, I stumble upon a rock.
I pretend that it does not exist, and keep walking.

The next month, I stumble upon a boulder.
It is in my way, so I walk around it.

So by next year, when I stumble into a brick wall.....
I cannot ignore it, I cannot pretend that it does not exist, and I certainly can't walk around it.

I try to climb it, but it is too high.
I try to push it, but it does not budge.

For a moment, I've lost hope.
For a moment, I'd thought about giving up.

When suddenly it came to me..... how a pebble, a tiny stone, a little nothing....
In a year's time grew into a huge obstacle in my way!!! All of which could have been prevented,
had I not ignored it that day.

I put my trust in you

Now in the process of job searching.... I've got great experience to back me up, but the thought of starting over at something new, makes me feel so small.
I had my first taste of panick yesturday.
Swept over me, and before I knew it I was crying. So unexpected, and at the very worst moment...... I was in the car with my family.... and I'm the kind who perfers to hide tears. I've been trying so hard to focus, stay calm, and be tough.... that I've pushed aside how incredibly difficult this move is going to be. A whole new life style.... a new routine. I think that's it. I'm basic. I've become so accustomed to living small town, so comfortable.... so easy.
I'd have to say, that this is the hardest thing I've ever come to face in 21 years.

But in the end, I will gain more....... INDEPENDENCE!!!

I will get through this, God give me strength.
Take my hand, lead me in the right direction.
Fill my heart with passion Lord.....
I put my trust in you.
And if I cry, wipe my tears away.
If I'm lonely, let me know you are near.
If I shy away, let me shine.
Do not let me fear.
If I lose myself, bring me back again.
If I get turned down, all I need to know.... and all that matters,
is that you are with me till the end!
I put my trust in you.

Pet Peeves..... What are yours?

It's 2:30 am in the morning!!! What am I still doing up? That's it, I quit drinking coffee!
Thought I would fall asleep if I layed on my bed..... and what do I do? I play the keyboard!
In the dark.... surprising enough, I played better in pitch black then I do with the lights on.
I'm a wreck.... emotional roller coaster. I look like I haven't slept in weeks, and on the verge of a nervous break down. Matter of fact; about to have one now.
Hear nothing but the buzzing of computer and this studid friggin clock!!!! Tick tock tick tock....
I HATE CLOCKS!!!! Reminds me of every passing second, minute, hour!!!

Might as well throw in a few pet peeves while I'm at it.
1. Wet shoes laces... drives me nuts. Ahhhhhhhhh Just thinking about it. (Like nails scratching chalkboard irritation)

2. Humour at the expense of another's feelings

3. Loud clocks

4. Dull pencils (had to buy push pencils, because I sharpened my pencils too much)

5. Elevator eyes (would u like a picture? Or am I wearing something of yours?) Geesh

6. Hang nails

7. I HATE COMMERCIALS!!!! Which is probably good, for the reason that I don't watch that much T.V.

8. Snow down my boots

9. Getting things stuck in my hair...... !!!!

10. I love the water, swimming, sand everything!!! But keep me AWAY from "Sea weed"!!!

Ok.... I've worked out this mood I'm in! Feeling much better! Maybe now I can get some sleep!
Feel free to add to this list of your own "pet peeves", what makes you tick?

Tribute

The reality of moving to Ottawa is beginning to sink in.....
At work today, I had to train the new waitress whom will be taking my place. At first I think I overwhelmed her with my perkiness. I wanted to make a good impression, and most importantly make her feel welcome.
Not sure who was more nervous?? Her being her first day? Or I, having her observate everything that I did?
My luck.... the first table I take her to, I introduce her, explain that she is in training, and realize I forgot the menu's. HA ha ha!!!! As I ran to get them, I had to poke fun at myself, "Actually I think that I'm the one that's in training". Table had a good laugh, and my boss could not resist to add, "No.... not like you haven't been here for the last 3yrs."
Everything went along smoothly, and it finally occured to me; that this is it.

As a tribute to "Nick's" the top 13 MUST KNOWS!!

1) Feb. 19th, 2003..... My first day!!! My anniversary!!
I'll never forget it. The unthinkable happens! Truck began to stall on the 401, just made it to town with 5 min. to spare. Made it to a gas station, from where I had to sprint to work. Was 10 minutes late, and out of breath. Not very good impression for the first day. Luckily my boss was very understanding.

2) THE BEST "SOUVLAKI" EVER!!!!!!!! Take my word on this one folks!!! Highly recommended, and I stand by it! I am very much "addicted", soon U will be too!!!

3) Three years of working in a Greek Restaurant..... and the only Greek I know is: Ya Su Ti Catneese (Not even sure I spelled it right)
Means: Hi, how are you?

4) I've never spilled a plate of food!!! Officially one caesar and one coffee, which by fast reaction nobody got wet!!

5) Friday is my favorite day of the week!!!

6) I've had my last three birthdays at work!!!

7) The quickest, medical attention.... complete with first aid (bandaids, gauze, alcohol and a kiss to make it better) Nurse PD in the house!!

8) My last day is January 30th, 2006!

9) WE ARE ALL CrAzY!!!!!!

10) MD & PD are the best employers EVER!!!!! Not only have they taught me well, I've learned so much from them. I was just a young one when I started; shy, soft spoken, clumsy..... well actually I'm still clumsy.... BUT.. I've grown & matured, & developed long lasting friendships 4 life!!!!!

11) My coworkers...... wow, three years of endless stories. Ronda U R awesome!!!! U know U love me, I'm still waiting 4 U to admit it!!! U R my Friday "Special", wouldn't be the same without U & PD in the house! U girls crack me up.... behave while I'm gone. And please be careful with the new one, for a few weeks atleast.... she's fragile.
Danielle I will totally miss working with U!!! Some great times and great coffee high's!!!

12) I hold the record!!!!!! And proud of it!!! To make a long story short me and PD covered a full house all by ourselves on a Wed. night for 3 1/2 hours straight! Absolutely crazy.
Came through with $150.00 and survived! Would u believe that? Clumsy ol me & not one error!! PD you are my left hand couldn't have done it without U!!!

13) Among all the regulars..... I will never forget U Bob! U are the "Wind Beneath My Wings".
"Ahoy", to the U and the great live entertainment!!! I long to hear U play the harmonica again!

An endless journey.......

It is when I think about what I write, that my imagination becomes restricted. My mind builds on unheard rules.... (the self critique). I hesitate.... I edit.... and read through what has just been written.
Instantly I become blocked up.

Thing with writing is..... it is like a relationship. I love it and I hate it. It frustrates the hell out of me.
It gives me my space, and I am patient when it comes down to it. I'm passionate about it, happy, angry but also forgiving. I make mistakes, and I can fix them.
I can be myself and write down exactly what I'm feeling, it is my voice, my opinion, my thoughts, my records.
It's rewarding, challenging, and well worth every second of my time. I look back to the beginning, but there is no moving back..... just small steps forward. A growing process. An endless journey.
For better or for worse...... till death do us part.

Another perspective; when I asked my boyfriend Dave, "What makes you tick?" His response, "I'm not a fantastic Musician, I'm not classically trained, My ear isnt great, I'm not a great singer, bassist, guitarist. I never will be. I'm fine with that. I love listening to music. I love trying to create music. To me anything important can be expressed through music. Many emotions ... one at a time or many at once. Music accepts me and I accept music. It is always there.

It can take me places I've never been, it can be very familiar, it can bring back long last memories. I love performing live. Live performance is not a about perfect pitch, playing perfect, or steady tempo ... its about a feeling. Conveying emotion, transfering energy. I love it!"

That's exactly how it is.... Your passion will frusturate you to death, but your love is stronger.

Thought the following, would motivate you as it did me:

1. Control your destiny or someone else will
2. Face reality as it is, not as it was, and not as you wish it were
3. Be candid, up front, and be totally honest with everyone
4. Don't "manage" people. Lead by example.
5. Change before you are forced to. Be in control of the change and the pace of the change
6. If you don't have a competitive advantage, don't compete. Either get a competetive advantage or get out of the game.

I AM A CHOPSTICK PRO!!!!!!

I want to tell you all that I did yesturday..... but words cannot describe. I was completely in another world, and for the entire day thought of nothing but the moment..... wanting to stay in it for as long as possible.
I wanted something different, something adventurous......
When my bf picked me up, I had no idea where he was taking me. We ended up in "Gatineau"
at the "Museum Of Civilization". Wow!!!! What remarkable things.... ancient pottery, todem poles, beadwork beyond your imagination, clothes of animal skin, carvings of tree bark. I could go on forever.
Then there was the "IMAX Theatre", where we travels to Santa's Work Shop. Oh..... the colors.
and most exciting our trip down the "Nile"..... Beginning in Ethiopia, through Sudan, to Egypt. We faced raging waters, immense heat, alligators, water falls, desserts..... pyramids. My imagination has been worked over time.
As if that weren't enough.... we ended up at a restaurant called "Japanese Villiage", and I must state that I am officially "A CHOPSTICK PRO"!!! Well almost.
I will do my best to explain the uniqueness of this experience. The atmospere was peaceful, romantic, dimmly lit. Each table formed a lengthy "U" shape.... Each with it's own table top grill.
WOW!!! So the food is prepared and cooked right in front of your very eyes. Soooooooo delicious!
Mmmmmmmmmm. Steak, chicken, vegetables, rice....... cooked to perfection.
I tried for the first time, "Saki", immediate rosiness to my cheeks, who needs blush??
I've never had wine like that b4.... ever. Served warm.

Currently looking for the best tasting wine.....
Last time we picked up a bottle of "Wolf Blass (Yellow Label)" from Australia.
Last night we experimented with a taste of Italy...... "Rocca delle Macie (Tenuta Sant' Alfonso)"
Please tell me what u think is the best tasting wine. White or Red.

Watched a movie "Lemmony Snicket", not to be confused with Jimminy Cricket.... lol!!
I've lost my mind.

My senses are out of whack!!!!!!!!!!! And I think I've started the day with too much coffee!
What will my boss think when I show up at work.... off my rocker???? I'm so wired!!! And Friday is my favorite day of the week!!!! I know, I know.... that was so random. Out of nowhere!

Totally off topic again..... I just got new running shoes.
And A NEW BOOK!!!!! I am yes..... a book nerd!!!

OK..... b4 u begin to think... "Is this a novel I'm writing???" I will end it here.



THE END

Sensory Overdrive

It's the little things in life that count.....
Today was pure sensory madness. System on complete overdrive.
Went to the music store this morning, and couldn't take my eyes off the keyboard beauties. WOW!!! Sat down in front of a $10,000 digital keyboard with monitor, foot pedal, weighted keys..... complete ecstacy.
Wait!!! There's more. Ever heard of a store called "Lush"???? Dangerous..... I think I must have smelled every single soap bar, b4 we left. All homemade soaps.... I'm determined to find the recipe's.

Next stop: Book store!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaay!! I must've walked in there with the biggest smile on my face. Everything seemed untouchable.... I didn't even know where to begin? Began with the art section of course.... Drawing, Photography, "Leonardo Da Vinci" sketches, then onto poetry, screenwriting, and music. I rehashed my love for writing in an instant.... now thinking about taking up "Professional Writing" as a career.

Went to a new restaurant in "China Town" , I forget the name??? And had my first hand's on experience with chop sticks. I surprised myself, really. I managed to not spill anything all over myself. Bonus!
It was an awesome night..... so many surprises, and I couldn't have asked for a better date.
All in all.... I've been figured out. Touch, taste, smell, sight, and what beautiful sounds..... Squeeze that all into one day..... and I'll forget my name.

A Wish With No End

I'm surrounded by family..... I wish I could describe how much that means to me. So many years taken for granted when all of us sisters lived under the same roof.
Now it seems that we have all grown up, living our own separate lives..... So when we all come together as one, I almost wish moments like this would never end.

Count Down

10....9 ...8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!
Has it been a whole year already?? Where has the time gone?
I spent New Year's last night at "Bobby's Bar & Restaurant" in Ottawa. My brother in law was filling in with a band called "Whistle Stop"..... What awesome talent!
I met a few people, with incredible personality... we exchanged email addresses, and so forth. It eases my mind slightly about the big move.
Take a small town girl and stick her in the city, it's unnerving leaving behind all that is familiar. A huge step out my comfort zone.
My second family is..... my job. Those who know me will vouch for it, maybe I obsess about it a little too much. But come on.... three years of my life has been dedicated to this restaurant. It is indeed my family, and the time has come where I must leave...... 16 days left..... that will pass quicker than the New year's count down.
16...15..14...13...12...11...10...9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1........... Good bye.