Good-bye. There's just no sadder word to say

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

My oldest daughter 'Becca' who's now 5, has never been one to have temper tantrums. Sure there is the odd melt down, but she has developed a way of calming herself, and really communicating her feelings. It wasn't until the other night when she was really sad, and asked me to sing her 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' that gave me a flash back of Becca as a toddler. I remember the day like yesterday, that Becca completely lost it with the melt down of all melt downs. She had literally lost all control, and was unable to communicate her frustration to me. When I told her that she needed to try and calm herself down, she said something to me that really pulled at my heart strings.
'I can't mommy. I can't calm myself down.' I knew then what I had to do. I could have reacted, threw my hands up in the air, and sent her to her bedroom... but no... I knew that I had to help her calm down, because she was not capable at that moment to do it on her own. I pulled her in close, cradled her body tight next to mine, rocked her back and forth and sang 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star', over and over until she began to sing with me in between light sobs. We did this every time she 'lost it', and tempers became less frequent. It melted my heart that she remembered, and asked me to give her that comfort the other night... and so we both sang 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'

RIP Monty

It is Thanksgiving day and I have so much to be grateful for. I am grateful for family and friends who have been tremendously supportive during this most difficult time. I am grateful for my two beautiful girls that are the light of my life. I am grateful for my health, and the health of those close to me. I am grateful for the last three years under the roof of my home, the experiences and lessons that I have learned along the way... but I am also grateful to a new beginning, and hopeful that good will come out of starting over.

Now that Abby is almost 2 months old (on October 2nd) I figured that it's about time she graduates from her bassinette in our bedroom to her crib in her own bedroom. It was not the easiest decision, but my sleep is very important to me and the amount I was losing each night listening to all of her little baby grunts and stretches was starting to take it's tole. It's been 2 nights, and so far so good.
I went to bed last night at 9:15pm, and woke up this morning with a little more energy than what I've been running on in the last few weeks.

Becca & Abby

The resemblance between Abby to her big sister Becca (in picture) at 4 weeks old brings a smile to my face

Abby 7 weeks

Becca 8 weeks

One tired momma

The last few nights have been miserable with both Becca and Abby sick with colds. Becca's been on her asthma pump for days, and Abby is having a real hard time sleeping due to really bad congestion. So feedings have been stressful on both of us. I've noticed the last few days that sleep deprivation is taking it's tole on my already cloudy mommy brain. Just the other day I went shopping with my sister, I misplaced my keys 3 times, lost a baby blanket and my sweater... but the worst was at the checkout when I glanced over at my Abby's empty bucket seat and thought... oh, god where's the baby?? It was then that I realized that I was holding her.

Becca got her first big hair cut on the weekend, it looks amazing. Not only that but it's so much easier to comb through, and I'm wondering why I didn't have it done much sooner. There was something about the way she slept that left her hair with really bad tangles that was extremely time consuming and painful for her to work through with a comb. So I am very pleased with the results of her new do. 

Before

After

After

Lyrics from the heart of a mom

If I had one song for my girls, this would be it.

Lucky # 5

Both of my girls are 5!!! Becca five years old, and Abby is 5 weeks old today! Dave took her today for her doctor's appointment, she weighs now 10lbs. 12oz. Abby gained one whole pound since last week. I just packed away all of her 3 month sleepers, where her toes were about to burst through the bottoms, out came the 3-6 month clothes.

Becca started school this week. It's an adjustment for all of us. There's been a couple mornings of tears, and Becca asking to stay home. Hopefully, it will get a little easier... as we've started to get back to our school night bedtime routine.

The daycare is open again full swing with a much smaller and older group. I've got my two three year old boys full time and a few drop ins a coupe of hours a week. It's actually really nice running the daycare upstairs and soaking up that beautiful sunshine coming in through the windows.

And then there were two

Abigail is now just over two weeks old and already she's outgrown her newborn sleepers. When did that happen? It's been very busy around here, which is expected of course... but among the whole shift of adjustment to life with a newborn and a five year old, there is also some major renovations taking place. Shortly after coming home from the hospital we received the unwelcome news about the flooding in our basement, which had happened only a few days prior. It turns out that we need to have all of the pipes replaced, so sometime this week there will be a crew jack hammering my basement floor to bits. It was heart breaking news, but in the end everything kind of worked itself out.

On the bright side, Abby is an amazing baby. I look at her and I can't get over the resemblance to Becca at that age. Becca absolutely adores her baby sister and is such a big helper. She involves herself in every diaper change, every burp, every feeding, every bath. She talks to Abby, plays with her. sits with her propped up all nice and snug with my nursing pillow.  My nursing pillow... why didn't I invest in one of those with Becca? It makes feeding time so much easier, on both of us.

Slowly but surely we are trying to get Abby on a routine. First and foremost we are trying to switch around our nights to days so that Abby's 3 hour fully alert waking in the middle of the night, takes place during the day. This means trying to keep my comatose baby awake a little more during the day which is nearly impossible when she is such a deep sleeper. Thank goodness Becca is a really good sleeper at night, she is immune to Abigail's midnight fuss and doesn't hear a thing. In fact she even comments the next day, 'Abby is such a good sleeper, I didn't hear her at all'. After weeks of Dave and I explaining to Becca that babies cry, and night times will be an adjustment for all of us. So I am glad that atleast one of us is sleeping peacefully.

Baby Abby is here!!!

Finally baby Abby has arrived!!! It's been a really busy week, and I just haven't had the time to sit down and write... so this is just a quick update.

Abigail Lauren Moquin was born Thursday August 2nd, 2012 @ 4:23pm, weighing 7lbs. 9oz. and 19' 1/2 inches long. I went in at 7:30am and was induced by 8:10am, and from there labor progressed rather quickly. It was the most beautiful moment when she finally made it into my arms, and so special for Becca to finally meet her little sister.

Due any day now

Today was my actual due date, but like Becca (who was eight days late), it seems that baby Abby is following suit, and must be quite comfortable right where she is. I am just hoping that she holds off until after tomorrow, as Dave will be playing in 'Rib Fest' with his band 'SwitchGear'. I am really looking forward to going with Becca, and mom and dad who will be coming to Cornwall tomorrow... for some great food and entertainment.

This week has been a busy one... This past Monday I had taken Becca swimming with a friend and her two boys. We came back to the house for some snacks, and out of the blue Becca just started screaming. 'Mommy I've been stung, a bee... a bee stung me.' I ran over to her, and saw the wasp caught up in her hair, and without any hesitation I scooped her up and swatted it away. It broke my heart to see my girl in so much pain, something I had hoped she would never experience, but my brave girl was over it five minute later. She wanted the world to know, that she had been stung... and even today five days later I heard her telling her story.

I was at the pool again with Becca today, and held her as she practiced her doggy paddle. 'Ok, mommy... let go.' She tried her hardest to stay a float, but she knew that mommy was there by her side to help. We came home, and got straight into our pajamas... I had planned on going to bed early but as tired as my body is, I can't seem to shut my mind off.

39 weeks pregnant

39 weeks pregnant

Less than two more weeks to go before we finally get to meet our baby Abigail. I can hardly wait!!!

Catch Up

It's been a few weeks since I've have the time to sit down and write on my blog so I thought I would take a moment to catch up.

The daycare is still running smoothly, and will continue right up until the end of July... but before then, some of my little ones will be finishing up with me in the next few weeks. My first to leave will be Morgan, with her last day (this Friday) quickly approaching, I can't promise that there will be no tears. Morgan, began daycare with me when she was about 18 months old, and now she is 4 1/2 and starting a summer daycare where she will be going to school this fall. I've watched her grow from a toddler to such an extraordinary little girl over the last few years, and have seen a beautiful friendship grow between Morgan and Becca that I feel so blessed to have been a part of. I would have to say that saying good-bye is probably the hardest part of my job.

Another little one of mine with his final weeks coming to a close is a very special little man. He is my smallest little guy, with the biggest smile, an amazing spirit always doing something to make me laugh, and always in such a great mood. It will not be the same around here without him.

But... the wonderful thing that I share in common with the mommies of the two above, is that we are all expecting. Morgan's mommy in the fall, and my little man's mommy is due two weeks before me.

Becca is almost finished her first year of school 'Junior Kindergarten' for the summer. Tomorrow her class is going on a field trip to the bird sanctuary at Upper Canada Village. Becca is thrilled that she happens to also be the leader for that day, and has been looking forward to it all week.

Baby Abigail is growing like a wild weed. I am all belly this pregnancy. From behind I just look like I normally would, until I turn to the side it looks as though I am carrying a basketball under my shirt. 5 more weeks to go!!

31 Weeks and counting

The weeks seem to be flying by like days. I'm sure I say that a lot, but lately it has been so busy, that before I know it I am another week further along in my pregnancy. I met with Dr. Levac today to go over my blood sugar results that I have been recording this past week. It seems that I am doing well with changing my diet, but there is still room for improvement. Atleast now I have an idea of what works, and what does not. I am almost 32 weeks pregnant, and so far so good. At this point baby Abigail's expected rate of growth is about 1/2 a pound a week until she is born. So basically between now and then she will double in size. She is moving around so much now, and sliding her little limbs along my belly so that I look lopsided and slightly deformed. It's quite entertaining.

Becca can hardly wait to hold her baby sister, she's always talking and kissing into my belly every chance she gets. I am so glad that I have that 5 year age gap between the two, it's just amazing to see Becca so involved, and so excited to meet Abigail, that I feel like this was the best decision for us to wait.

A journey of self discovery

I've been devouring myself lately in self help books. Mostly guides on how to improve my writing skills, how to uncover and rediscover creativity and be healthy. There are so many things that I want to be able to do, and so much knowledge and wisdom out there to learn from. So to narrow it down to small baby steps, I will begin with my top three wants.

1. First and foremost I want to be healthy, because without my health everything else that I want will probably just disintegrate with exhaustion, depression and illness. I need to eat healthier, go to bed earlier, exercise and really take the time to meditate on all of the positives in my life because there is just so much to be grateful for. So this want, is my first priority.

2. I want to discover who I am as an artist. This is another big want, because deep down I know that I was meant to have a place in the creative world. I am one that needs the freedom to explore with no time restrictions, or pressing deadlines. One that is fascinated by learning, travel and nature... My spirit craves the big open wilderness, and flees from any sort of bounds of domestication. It is my desire to someday travel the open road without a map, or any particular destination in mind, and that is exactly where I want to be with my writing. Unplanned, unpredictable, and spontaneous.

3. I want to strengthen my relationships with my family, friends, and acquaintances. I want to be known as a very loving, caring person who doesn't waste time holding grudges or let anger poison my soul. There is too much to be thankful for to let the negatives be anything more than a passing feeling that you can simply let go of. Life is too short.

Believe in yourself

I need to get into the habit of going to bed earlier, eating healthier, and exercising my mind, body and soul on a daily basis. As far as writing goes I am trying to find small moments each day to spend quietly by myself, but as it happens... inspiration doesn't always strike in times when I am good, ready and waiting for it to come. I need to write, as I need to breathe. I need to practice, and explore my inner self without the pressure of producing something great and expectations that I must see instantaneous results. I forget that this is a process, one that cannot be rushed. One that will not happen overnight. This process is gradual, and must be taken one day at a time. Writing is for myself, with creations not meant to be graded. It is meant to be reckless. It is meant to explore. It is meant to make mistakes. It is a means of moving forward and remembering each day for what it is... a gift.

I have been waiting for what it seems like an eternity for something to happen. Something that grabs hold of me, shaking me to my senses. Then 'VOILA', it appears right in front of my very eyes and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was what I was meant to do. This is what I was created for. In reality I have absolutely no idea what I want or where I want to go. Something tells me, that maybe I should stop waiting and start looking. That perhaps what I have been waiting for, has been all along waiting for me to find 'it'. Is that where I have lost faith? I have to see it to believe it? If it's not there in front of me, or if I don't have an answer it was never meant to be? I admit I have my doubts. I fight doubt every single day, it seems that I am always second guessing myself. But... is it really doubt? or is it fear?

 Believe
Believe in yourself
Believe in love
Believe in forgiveness
Believe in trust
Believe in others, as others believe in you
Believe in making your dreams come true

They know me too well

I don't buy it because I know I'll eat it all. You know it's a problem when your 5 year old reminds her daddy to hide the box before he goes to bed. I had to laugh when I saw this neatly wrapped bowl of cereal on the table this morning with the attached note.

Pregnancy Update

So I am just now over 28 weeks pregnant with 12 weeks left to go. I was referred by my doctor to a diabetic clinic to work on a diet plan for gestational diabetes. He doesn't think I will need to go on insulin, but I really need to watch what I eat in the next few months. Our little Abigail is getting bigger and stronger by the day. There is lots of movement, kicks, and rolling around going on in there. It's just so amazing to feel and see, words can not even begin to describe the little miracle growing inside me. Becca is so excited to meet her baby sister. My due date is July 27th, but I have a feeling that this little gal will be an early arrival. I remember thinking the same thing with Becca, and she was 8 days late, so I guess you never really know. They will come out when they are good and ready.

I thought that May would never come, with all off the busy chaos and April rush around I am finally able to relax and catch my breath. My sister Cindy had a beautiful wedding, and it was such an honor to stand by her side on her big day. Although it could have been a little warmer, it wasn't raining, so I guess I can't really complain.

Tea Party

'Hello', I said, greeting all of our guests around the table. There was Becca, pink rabbit, and Barbie. 'That's not how we say it at a Royal Tea Party mamma' Becca corrected. 'We say, how do you do?'

Memories to last forever

Trying to relax and simply enjoy the weekend. I am visiting my parents home in Johnstown, and taking in all the new changes all around, which is taking quite a bit to get used to. There have been many renovations in their home over the last three weeks. It's almost as though everytime I look up, my eyes are playing tricks on me. I expect to see the dark plum colored living room, and it's now a neutral beige. Upstairs in our old bedrooms it's really bizzare... Looking at my little sister Cindy's old room, now missing the four floor to ceiling wall murals of life under the sea, is just strange. I remember her begging mom to let her paint just one shark, and how one shark became two, and through the passing months there became schools of fish, coral, seaweed, rocks, and more fish. It was like walking into an aquarium. All of that is now gone.

And my old bedroom...with the African Lion Safari theme. I remember the rough patch I hit in my life when I decided to pick up my things and move out. Not exactly the best decision I ever made, and one that had me crawling back only three months later. As it turned out my roommate and her boyfriend carried an insane amount of drama that drove me to get the heck out of there as fast as I could. At that point, I had lost track of how many holes her boyfriend had put into the walls with his raging childlike fits, and I honestly just couldn't cope. I was indeed a rebellious young teenager who wanted to make my own rules, and honestly coming back home was the best decision. I remember coming back home and thinking, 'I cannot move back into that pink room' and so I expressed my wild side with a full bedroom make over... with safari themed inspiration. All of that is now gone.

After all of us have now have spread our wings and left the nest, my mom and dad have decided that it is time to downsize. The colors have been painted over, but the memories will last forever.

Birthday party for a princess

Becca climbed into my bed at 6am this morning, 'When is my birthday party?' Followed by 'how much longer?' every ten minutes. Thank goodness I planned for an earlier party this year at 11am, I don't think she could have taken much more. Sleeping Beauty arrived right on schedule... and the girls were so delighted. It was such a wonderful day. Rebecca and the other girl's really enjoyed having Sleeping Beauty read them a story, do their make up, and all of the other fun surprises!!!
It was a really special day, thanks to the Bibbidi Bobbidi magic that made Becca's fairytale dreams come true!

5 years ago...

5 years ago I was eating the most wonderful dish of spaghetti, with a side of garlic toast. So delicious in fact, that as I began the first stages of labor, I insisted on finishing before making that final trip to the hospital. When I felt a contraction I stood up, walked it out, and then sat back down.

Tomorrow at 4:53am my baby girl turns 5.

Just today she came with me to my 5th month baby check up. She smiled at the sound of the baby's beating heart.

Through the eyes of my little girl

I read that sometimes images can spark creativity, and inspiration. My daughter was very intrigued by some images and something about her observations fascinated me, so I thought would share. In the first picture she described this place as pretty. `The flowers are colorful, I would smell them and pick some for you.`

In the next picture she described this place as spooky. `The water is grey, the bridge looks old, and the trees look dark... if I was standing there I would run away.`

One day at a time

I am really trying my hardest to set more time aside for myself to write. Not only when I feel that sweet pang of inspiration, but also when I feel the furthest from motivation to write or even want to look at a pen and let it all out. I am like a chamber, a holder of information that I often times keep to myself. Slowly I am working to explore these thoughts, and somehow put the pieces of the puzzle together. Aren't people fascinating?? Not only am I on a journey of self discovery, but I am truly interested in other people, their experiences, and behaviors. People are sometimes just so quick to judge... you here someone say 'Oh, that person is crazy'. They can say that without ever having spent one day in that person's shoes. Without knowing the life that that individual has lived. I think at some point or another everyone shows a sign of a personality disorder, or experiences an incredible amount of stress that might temporarily have them acting in a way that might be considered bizarre. I will be the first to admit I have gone through many periods where I have questioned my own sanity.

As early as eleven I remember watching ever so carefully what I ate, depriving myself even, of food in fear of ever gaining weight. I had such a poor self image of myself that I was constantly comparing myself to others, and felt that I had no value. I was not important. I was a nobody. I lived these feelings every day with a smile on my face, and a sense of humor to cover up the ugly.

In high school I experimented with drugs. I remember that my first taste of marijiwana was to fit in. Isn't that how it usually begins? It was an aweful experience, and I really don't know what made me even think to ever want to try it again, but I suppose I could compare it to my first hangover, I distinctly remember saying 'I'm never drinking again'. After smoking pot a few times more, I quickly learned there was a trick to it... mind over matter. Soon there was no longer any panic or paranoia, and it became a very pleasant escape. Some people say that pot is not addictive, but I beg to differ. I agree that it does not have the same addictive qualities as nicotine, they both have very different with-drawl affects in my own personal experience. I hid the fact that I smoked pot on a daily basis for almost a year, as I never did it as a means of getting high/stoned, or beyond stupid. I took it in extremely small doses, several times a day, to feel normal. It was like taking medication for pain, and this was my way of making the hurt go away.

I struggled so much with my identity as a teenager, seeking the approval of others, and never really standing on my own two feet. All of my relationships were people pleasing, exhausting, and simply unhealthy, yet I worried so much about losing them, or feeling like I was just a big disappointment. I wish I could just go back and have a heart to heart chat with my sixteen year old self with the wisdom that I've come to know today... but it was through those experiences that has made me who I am, good and bad, I accept it all as it is.

We all know that one can never change the past, but we do have the power to make better choices now for the future. Just take it one day at a time.

Night Chills

Another late nighter... wonderful. I really need to work on getting to bed much earlier. Something came to my mind this evening as I was tidying up around the house. It may sound silly I know, but it's I guess one of my random quirks of the unknown... for some reason, strange no doubt I am afraid of basements at night. Not just any basement, ALL BASEMENTS!! It's been a fear that has lingered with me for as long as I can remember. It's as though my imagination gets the best of me. So while I was cleaning up, I remembered that I never opened all of the doors downstairs, to check and make sure I didn't leave on any lights. Funny that I even contemplated bringing a knife down with me, for why?? I do not know.

I have this memory from my childhood, of a hamster that my sister had who disappeared after my youngest sister left the cage door open by accident. We looked for days, leaving food out for it, but no luck. One night two of my sisters went down into the basement to get a school project when they found the poor little hamster dead on the floor. It turned out that it had fallen through a hole in the floor above to the basement below where it perished. I remember my sisters in tears describing in detail what they found... it's eyes wide, it's mouth open... and the trail of blood it left behind. It chilled me to the bone to hear this, especially being only six years old. But what really topped it all off was when my sister went down stairs to bring up a glass of water, and then came back up in tears. What could have upset her so bad? She explained through sobs that she was on her way to the kitchen, and as she was passing the door to the basement, the door creaked open a crack. She watched in horror as she saw the hamster coming towards her with glowing red eyes, and about ten times it's normal size. It was breathing heavily, and as it walked it's claws picked at the carpet. My sister tried closing her eyes in hopes that the image would go away, but she could still hear it's snarly breath and the claws pulling at the carpet getting closer and closer. It was then that she tore up the stairs in hysterics. At six years old, when I heard this... I had nightmares for ages. We were all so young, and at the age it is hard to tell the difference between what is real and what is in our imaginations. Maybe a small part of that experience is directly related to my fear of basements after hours?

Still very busy, busy, busy

Almost 22 weeks pregnant!! I can hardly believe how quickly the weeks seem to be flying by, especially these last few weeks. The weekend that just past, we threw a bridal shower for my youngest sister Cindy. It turned out amazingly well, and was so much fun to plan. The focus now for this upcoming weekend is the stag and doe.

Easter weekend we will be celebrating my daughter's 5th birthday. My little girl will be 5!!! Where has the time gone, it seems like just yesterday we brought our little bundle of joy home from the hospital, and now we are planning a party for a princess.

I am trying to slow April down, and the funny thing is that it hasn't even started yet. Every weekend is busy, and I'm still trying to figure out where I'm going to squeeze in my dress fittings. Hopefully I will fit into my dress for the big day on April 27th... by then I will be six months along.

Busy, busy, busy

So this week is what I would call a milestone!! 20 Weeks pregnant, that's officially half way there. Abigail's kicks are getting stronger by the day, especially at night, after an entire day of my movement lulling her to sleep, by the time I go to bed it feels like a party is going on in there.

End of March/April are incredibly busy. I am exhausted just thinking about it. I am the maid of honor in my little sister's wedding at the end of April, so weekends are full of planning, preparing, dress fittings, rehearsal dinners and parties. Not to mention in between Rebecca and her cousin Chrysler will be celebrating their 5th birthday only 3 days apart. As much as I am trying to remain enthusiastic about the most important day of my sister's life, I selfishly admit I am dreading missing out on much needed sleep. I know, I know.... I am little bit of a party pooper. And believe me there was a day back in the day when I really enjoyed the night life, but it seems that now I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to stay out past my bedtime.

18 weeks & counting

It's been quite some time since I've blogged, so I thought it's about time I catch up. We finally after many months of anxiously waiting found out that we are expecting another baby girl. We decided on the name 'Abigail Lauren Moquin'. I will never forget the look on Becca's face when we told her that she was going to have a baby sister. It was very exciting news for her.

Officially I am now 18 weeks pregnant, with 22 more weeks to go. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, and learned I've gained 3 lbs. since my last visit. Again, I have to really watch my sugar intake. I'll admit that I have caved to cravings for sweets lately, so now I need to focus and get back on track. I've been feeling lots of little kicks, getting stronger by the day. It seems as like it was just yesterday that we found out we were expecting, and now we are almost half way through. Time is flying, and July is just around the corner.

Snake bite

I have been told that pregnancy enhances vivid dreams to a whole other level. It must be true to some extent... some mornings I wake up thinking to myself, 'What just happened?' Last night was one of those nights. There is only one thing I remember from last nights dream that clearly stands out.
'I picked up a snake, and for some reason I was purposely aggravating it. Tapping it on the nose, teasing it. The snake transformed into what initially looked non threatening into something barely recognizable. It's smooth head, was now full of tiny horns, and it's toothless mouth now exposed a mouthful of sharp fangs. It bit down on my left thumb hard. At first I tried shaking it off, but it's grip held firm. Then I grabbed it's head and squeezed as hard as I could, finally releasing it's hold. I threw it across the room and it disappeared. Clearly I was in shock, examining the tiny holes, in a perfect circle around the knuckle of my thumb. Surprisingly I wasn't in a tremendous amount of pain. Then I noticed something. Something I had never seen before. Each tiny tooth hole, had a very small fine feathery like thing sticking out of it. I tried brushing them away, but they were each imbedded in to my skin like porcupine quills. I plucked one of them, and almost immediately regretted my decision. It seemed that removing it released a toxic venom into my system, that swelled my thumb up five times it's normal size. When it started to turn purple, I then began to panic.

Weeks are flying by like days it seems. I am officially just over 3 months pregnant, and finally feeling somewhat normal in regards to having energy, and eating food other than bread, cereal and pasta. I am three months pregnant and already I am wearing maternity clothing that I only needed when I was six months pregnant with Becca. There is no denying that there is certainly a baby growing in there.

This is what makes my little girls day. It's what she looks forward to, who wouldn't? Her house is equipped with a big enough family for a full house, and every detail you could possibly imagine. We spend a great deal of our time setting up each room, until finally we can start our game. Often times we leave it set up, so we can continue our game right where we left off for the next day. This is what I want to hold onto forever.

Laughter

We had a wonderful family movie night last night, that was one to simply cherish. I have never heard Becca laugh so hard through anything as she did for 'Mr. Poppers penguins'. It was one of those deep hearty laughs, and hard to contain giggles that seemed to vibrate through the living room. It was contagious, you just couldn't help but laugh.

Baby Brain

I have some serious baby brain happening here, that I've just recently come to terms with. First and foremost, I am one that can't seem to remember to take daily vitamins without being pregnant, let alone in the midst of my first trimester, where we all have a moment every now and then where you'd swear you'd lose your head if it weren't attached. Last night we went to Walmart and I found a little container of gummie vitamins for Becca, more so as a reminder for me to take my prenatal vitamins, because Becca is like an elephant, she never forgets. Never. When we started the advent calendar for the month of December, that was the first thing that came out of her mouth every morning upon entering my room up until Christmas.

Needless to say, after I paid for my purchases, I walked away forgetting to take the bag of goods with me. Luckily, somebody was paying attention.

At 7am on the button, Becca came in to wake me up... 'Mommy, I need to take my vitamin now.' I needed a reminder, and it seems I may have found a solution.

I read today that 'The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.'

Singleton it is

So we had our very first ultrasound today, and it was somewhat of a relief to see one baby. Not that twins wouldn't be a wonderful surprise, and something I admit I have fantasized about, the reality would be so much different. I remember with Becca those sleepless nights, the feedings, the diaper changes, the fussy hours of the day that I somehow managed to auto pilot my way through. Now times those efforts by two.

But... twice the smiles, twice the first steps, twice the love. It would make it all worth while.

Really, I feel so completely blessed to have one single healthy baby. That in itself is a miracle.

Double Trouble

Officially today I am 10 weeks pregnant. I am so excited, and anxious for our very first doctor's appointment on Monday and even more so for that very first ultrasound. This pregnancy is a little different from when I was pregnant with Becca. I never once lost my appetite, and this time around I have my days where I can't handle much more than toast and cheerios.

I have just a small nagging suspicion that I could be carrying twins, another reason why I am anxious to have that first ultrasound. it probably doesn't help that Becca's been saying that mommy is going to have twins since she was two. Specifically one boy and one girl, just like big sister Dora The Explorer. And then there was the psychic... Silly I know... but she told me that myself or one of my sisters will have twins. Now it seems I'm seeing double everywhere!!!!