Bumble Bee

When she laughs, it is music to my ears. Whatever it was that made her laugh, I repeat over and over as her laughs become more hysterical and then.... it's not funny anymore.
Today it was two words: Bumble Bee. I covered my face with my hands and when I opened them, instead of saying peekaboo, I said what ever animal her animal wheel spun to. Bumble Bee, she threw her head back with laughter. 'Bumble Bee' I repeated, this time a little louder and a little more crazy, she laughed so hard I bet she pee'd in her diaper. After about ten bumble bee's, I was lucky if I got a half smile. She was over it five minutes ago, but mommy was having so much fun.

Is there meaning?

Say what you mean, mean what you say.
Is there a meaning beind those words?
A point you wish to convey?
Will it make me feel better, or make me feel worse?
Is it so important to say to me, that you can't listen to me first?
It's not what you say, it's how you say it.
It's all in your tone of voice.
Are you asking me or are you telling me? Are you giving me a choice?
Don't corner me, don't prey on me, don't pressure me to change.
This is who I am, this is what I believe and I am not ashamed.
I am aloud to shed some tears, what gives you the right to say...
This is how it is, there is no other way.
In some ways it still angers me, that I put up with you for so long.
I also want to thank you, for making me so strong.

Key to my heart

Haunted by the blank screen, empty of my thoughts.
A prisioner held captive against my will.
Held back by a force so strong behind these bars of steel.
The key to unlock this cell is hidden, but well within my reach.
The means of finding the hidden key requires me to search so deep.
Deep in my heart is the answer and the only way I can be free.
Deep in my heart hidden is the one and only key.

Waiting for me

I try not to think of you,
atleast while I'm awake.
It is then that I realize that I will never see you again.
In my dreams you come to me,
it's as though no time has passed.
I hold you.
I talk to you.
I smile at you.
I have you.
You look into my eyes with such sincere trust.
I remember when you used to look at me that way.
I remember the way you listened when I spoke.
Even though you couldn't understand my pain, you knew that I needed you.
In my dreams you give me a sense of peace.
I don't wake up sad anymore.
I don't wake up grief stricken that it was only a dream.
I wake up refreshed.
I know deep down that even though you are not there to comfort me physically in the waking world.
You are in a better place, waiting for me.

Has it really been eight months?

Was browsing through some photos on my dad's computer and I came across a few of Rebecca's newborn pictures. That beautiful sleeper she is wearing, I bought for her the day I found out I was pregnant. She's grown so fast, that looking back at these pictures, it's almost hard to believe how small she was.