Subconscious Thought

'If I sit patiently and wait long enough, the words flow spontaneously from my subconscious to my hand. It's amazing how therapeutic it is to reflect upon your experiences. Writing is my form of meditation.'

Art Show

My little sister had her first art show at my parents house in Johnstown. When I walked in, I had no idea where to start. To see the talents of my youngest sister displayed all together so beautifully took my breath away.
I actually at one point became a little emotional. I see her all grown up, and showing true passion for her art.

Amazing!!

Great job Cindy!


Visit: www.cindyarthurs.com

See for yourself!!

First day of Spring

First day of spring!! First day of spring!!
I always have my little checklist of spring things to look out for.

1. First robyn (This one tops the cake, it's funny I have yet to meet another person besides my own family who get so excited to see their first robyn. It actually becomes a topic of conversation... I saw my first robyn of the season yesterday) I made such a big deal of it because I wanted Rebecca to enjoy even the most simplest pleasures of spring. I swung the stroller around in the opposite direction of where I was headed, just so she could get a good look.

2. The Canadian Geese come back! I'm not sure why I feel the need to run outside when I hear them calling... Something about that 'V' formation is so appealing to me.

3. April showers bring May flowers. The flowers... Mmmm... I can smell them already.

4. Green. I look for anything green!! I'm just so excited I can see my lawn. It will be even more exciting as the trees begin to bud.

5. The smell of barbecue (who doesn't love this)

Anyway, just a few things to kick off the first day of spring!!
Happy Spring everyone!

Who I am

Going through my notebooks has helped me work through painful memories, and has allowed me to confront & destroy those negative emotions. It certainly has been a very interesting journey. Almost ten years worth of writing to sort through. I started journaling when I was sixteen. I had absolutely no way of expressing myself verbally, so I did it in the only way I knew how... I wrote it all down.

As I've matured over the years, I've come to realize that I need to be more open, and not keep all these feelings and emotions to myself. I've come along way...

This entire blog is not in the chronological order of my life. It is completely mixed and full of the raw emotions of a teenagers rage, anger, and struggle to find an identity to the blissful happiness of true love and motherhood.

As dark and angry some of these entries may seem... they all have an important significance in my life, in the same way the feel good, uplifting ones do. This is my identity. This is who I am.

Where is my love

A young girl dying on the inside.
Not strong enough to live her own life.
She meets a boy, makes changes in her big plan
She falls in love would do anything for him.
She tried something new she never dreamed she'd do only to impress him.
It made her frown, turned that smile upside down, she became depressed then...
He left her way... There was nothing that she could say or do but blame herself.

It's my fault he's gone. It's my fault he found someone,
Who can make him happy again.
It's my fault. It's my fault.
Am I not good enough? Where is my love?

From a small town with big talk, so many rumors.
People think they know how life's supposed to go,
Never had a chance, no one really knew her.
She shuts out the world, becomes withdrawn, lost the encouragement from her real friends.
No big deal, it doesn't matter, can't trust no one, no one understands.
What she feels inside. She built these walls to hide behind, and no one cares.

Am I the only one? Who knows the right but still does wrong?
Will I ever be happy again? With myself I can't help but think...
I'm not good enough. Where is my love?

She got down on her knees. The tears streamed down her cheeks.
She needed desperately to feel...

God please help me. I'm so lost, I'm so incomplete.
Please forgive, let me live...
Because I am good enough, under the warmth of your love.

Kind hearted stranger

'Anonymous said...

You don't know me. I don't know you. However I stumbled upon your blog and to be honest with you... It was captivating. I couldn't take my eyes off every single word you wrote. I sat here for I don't know how long reading. Reading such beautiful things. You are truly a beautiful person, and your family must be so very proud to have you apart of their hearts and souls.'

To the person I've never met, who posted this comment on my blog 'Thank You.' Just when I needed a little encouragement, you gave me that little boost that I needed.