Touching Memoir.... Could I write one?

I was deeply inspired by the 'Glass Castle'. A memoir by Jeanette Walls.
It takes tremendous courage to reveal the truth. It's terrifying. I've really tried to be more open. More expressive. More honest with myself and those around me.
I could never seem to get the words out. I'm not sure whether it was a look, it never seemed to be the right time, you were distracted, you weren't in the mood, or maybe you had a hard day.
I was always held back by fear. Fear of embarassment, rejection, disappointment, fear of being mocked, fear of breaking my spirit, fear of losing hope, and fear of losing respect.
I realize now that I am entitled to my own opinion. That it is okay if we disagree on something and work out a comprimise.
What I am so curious about is how Jeanette Walls broke past that barrier of fear?
I am an aspiring writer. It is my dream to do what her story did to me. I was in search of a memoir, mostly because I have been considering for some time now to find the strength and courage to write my own. I went out on a quest to find a story of an unknown. I didn't care to read the life of someone famous. I specifically searched for a nobody, like me.
I was drawn into the book, by something I could relate with. Guilt.
'The Glass Castle', blew me away. It was one of the most courageous books I had ever read. As I read the last page and closed the book, I realized that Jeanette Walls is not a nobody. Jeanette Walls is a hero. A role model. A mentor. Maybe not to everyone, but in my eyes she certainly is a somebody. That is when it hit me. What if I could touch someones heart in that way. Reach out to someone. Maybe inspire someone else to be brave.
What if could write about my life in a way that someone could relate to.
It wasn't until college that I realized how afraid I was to be myself. I began my first day with a nervous laugh, and not being able to look people in the face when I spoke. My eyes were subconciously directed to the floor. It was in college that my professor in speech noticed that as soon as I felt conflict/confrontation I held my breath. After everyone left she called on me.
'Michelle, relax your body. Just relax.' Easy enough. I relaxed.
'I want you to look at me and say, how dare you.'
'How dare you.' I say weakly.
'Okay, now I want you to say the exact same thing, but I want you to reach that back wall.'
'How dare you,' I say, a little louder. Immediately my jaw clenched and my body stiffened. My professor felt this change. She stood behind me with her hands on my shoulders.
'Now, I want you to shout it Michelle. I want to hear you on the other side of this school. Your angry at me and I want to here you. Use your diaphram and push it out.
'HOW DARE YOU,' I collapsed. My legs could not support my words of anger. I couldn't seem to stop the tears.
It was in college that I realized I was afraid of my own voice, directed in a negative way. I realized that I have never in my life yelled out of anger.

Bless you

I never want to forget.
These precious memories are imprinted in my mind.
Frozen pictures that will be cherished until the end of time.
My beautiful baby girl, know that when I hold you in my arms and look into your eyes,
the love that keeps my heart pounding, is love that never dies.
Time is passing by so fast it seems.
sometimes it feels too good to be true.
When I wake up, it sometimes feels like a dream.
How happy I am to have you.
A gift.
A blessing.
An angel sent from above.
Sweet Rebecca I'll protect you with rich blessings and lots of love.

Sense of discovery

Restless as a leaf blowing in the breeze.
No control on which direction the wind carries me.
Might as well just enjoy the ride.

Maybe I shouldn't have had coffee so late last night. I couldn't help though.
We just bought a new coffee machine and we just had to try it out.
Also...
A sense of adventure.
A sense of discovery.
A sense of taste.... and so on.
If you have been captivated by this guilty pleasure, than this must sound all too familiar.
The commercials for Baily's Irish cream, have been very seductive.
It gave us the idea of frothing milk and adding a subtle hint of Baily's.
Mmmmm. Yum.

'Let your senses guide you.'
We did. With our coffee.

All that I need

Today, my life has changed.
For you, if you only knew.
The fire that you put in me,
sparked desire, to be the best I can be.

You gave me a promise of hope.
A passion for love,
I'll never give up,
only rise above.
Raise my hands up high,
Praise God for my life.
All that I need.

Snow!! Is it almost December?

Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh

Couldn't wait to go dashing through the snow, with our new baby sleigh. Bundled Rebecca all up layer upon layer, and when I finally got her all ready she looked like a marshmellow. I wanted to take a picture of her in her cute little snowsuit, but she began to vent her frustrations when she realized she couldn't move.

Outside a puzzled expression crossed her face, almost as though she were asking, 'What is all this white stuff?'
'Snow Rebecca!!! Look at all this snow!!' Dave picks up a handful of snow and throws it up into the air.
Becca looks up and smiles her most beautiful smile. Angelic. Warmed my heart, and nearly melted away our first snow fall.

We started our Christmas shopping today. One more month. The count down begins!!! I can't wait until the first of December. It has it's perks. What I'm really looking forward to is eating my first delicious little chocolate from the advent calender.
This is the ultimate challenge of self control. Will I be able to make the calender last all 24 days? That's only one chocolate a day. A tease to my taste buds.
I wonder what I should do when I visit my parents. Do I take the calender with me? Or should I eat the days I will be away in advance? That's about 3, maybe 4 chocolates.
What if I get carried away at four and can't stop? Maybe I should buy an extra calender. One to follow day by day and one for when I have no will power.
What to do?

Smiling Face

A typical morning. A routine I've grown accustomed to. I've never been a really ambitious morning person, but how can you stay so sluggish when each morning you are greeted by a smiling face. A smile that seems to ask, 'What are we going to do today mom?' A smile that is ready for the adventure to begin. A smile that wants to explore the whole world with her mouth. Everything goes in the mouth.
Lately it's tags. Something about a toys tag, that is more interesting than the actual toy.
Rebecca will soon be going on eight months. I am looking forward to celebrating her very first Christmas. I wonder if we'll actually have any snow this year. A white Christmas would be nice.

Baby Proofing

Time to get down at Becca's level, and see everything through her eyes. By this I mean baby proofing. Her curious hands have discovered many things I still can't figure out. Such as how to get the lid off the peneten cream in less than a minute. I have a miniature Houdini on my hands. A very quick tummy tumbler, who's quite content with this new found rolling skill. She mastered the tricky manoeuver and is now on to bigger and better things. Pulling herself up.

The Backyardigans

Catchy tunes. Eye catching colors. Brilliant choreography. A whole new adventure, and exciting experience every episode. From deep tropical rainforests, to enchanted castles.
My daughter is a little too young to understand the story lines, but the theme song brings a smile to her face every time. THE BACKYARDIGANS. It's funny that only five months ago, I had no clue who the backyardigans were, now I know them by name. Pablo, Tasha, Tyrone, Uniqua and Austin. You just can't help but sing along to the songs. Their tight harmonies are so pleasing to the ear, that the theme song itself is genious.
The show reminds me of the adventures I imagined in my own backyard. I think that's why it's grown on me.
It gives us the world through the eyes of our children, and reminds that we were that age to. I remember making a boat out of a cardboard box, and actually trying to float on it in a huge puddle. It became an even bigger adventure as it began to sink very quickly. We pretended to be ship wrecked on an island with nothing to eat but banana's. We'd leave banana peels hanging in the tree's in hopes that more banana's would grow.
The imagination we had to create such fantasies, is everything that the backyardigans have to offer. It takes me back into my childhood so that I may enjoy it a second time with my daughter.

Month by month

One month was when I discovered the biggest life change, that made me doubt.
Soon I'll a mother, with a huge responsibility that I knew nothing about.
So many questions filled my mind, so many books I had to read.
To learn as much as I could, to satisfy our baby's needs.

Two months seemed to fly by so fast. Two months I slept away.
Exhausted, tired and cranky. I could have stayed in bed all day.

Three months it was love at first sight, we had our first ultrasound.
There you were so small as my belly got a little round.

Four months you startled me, when I felt that first little kick inside.
You always seemed more active the minute I closed my eyes.

Five months we couldn't wait, as our anticipation grew.
We found out you were a baby girl, but your daddy always knew.
From day one he always said, it's a girl, he even picked out your name.
How excited we were to find out, that the ultrasound revealed the same.

Six months I was glowing with excitement, your due date almost near.
Soon I will be able to hold you in my arms, soon you will be here.

Seven months, eight months, nine months a blur.
Before we knew it there you were.