Throwing out the trash.... not a simple task

After reading back through my journal I've discovered so much about myself, that I have kept locked within. My fears of insecurity have been unleashed... First things first, I'm not going to worry about it anymore, so lastly; my final step, throw it out there.

'As the insecurities surface without warning. I realize that these are feelings I can no longer hide. All the pain, all the shame held deep inside.

I hate being so defensive towards constructive criticism
I hate feeling insignificant
I hate humor at anyone's expense, especially my own
I hate asking, yet I don't like telling
I hate that I can't make up my mind
I hate not having control, yet being to afraid to take it
I hate that I procrastinate out of fear, not because I'm lazy
I hate that I have such a hard time focusing on a simple task
I hate that I can't just pick up the phone and make a simple call
I hate feeling like I'm not doing a good enough job
I hate feeling judged
I hate cosmetics, and feeling like I need to wear make up to be beautiful
I hate that I want to look older, when I know someday I'll want to look younger
I hate that my wardrobe affects my self esteem
I hate how I can be selfish, how I'd prefer to sulk and be miserable than talk
I hate how I can't help but get so emotional when I talk about my feelings
I hate that I can't find the words to tell you how much I love you

I am a free spirit;
I like freedom
I like being spontaneous
I like adventure, nature, beauty
I like room to grow, not small spaces; suffocation, limits
I like plain white paper, without feeling restricted by lines, and staying within the boundaries
I like unfolding mystery, guessing, suspense, thrills, rides
I like laughter, hugs & kisses, warmth, comfort
I like feeling appreciated
I like to make you feel special, I feel grateful and
I like saying thank you

Thank you for being you, and for bringing out the best in me.
Caught up in the everyday rush, I tend to look past all the wonderful things that make life worth living.

I love you.'


There you have it, and I feel so much better.
Thanks for reading.