Take a stand

Stand up for yourself, stand up to what you believe.
Why did you decide so quick to give up on your dreams?
Stand up on your own two feet, when the world expects you to fall.
Why should it be left in the hands of someone else to make you feel so small?
Stand up, expose your open wounds to all.
Show the world, prove them wrong, through wreckage you stand tall.

Throwing out the trash.... not a simple task

After reading back through my journal I've discovered so much about myself, that I have kept locked within. My fears of insecurity have been unleashed... First things first, I'm not going to worry about it anymore, so lastly; my final step, throw it out there.

'As the insecurities surface without warning. I realize that these are feelings I can no longer hide. All the pain, all the shame held deep inside.

I hate being so defensive towards constructive criticism
I hate feeling insignificant
I hate humor at anyone's expense, especially my own
I hate asking, yet I don't like telling
I hate that I can't make up my mind
I hate not having control, yet being to afraid to take it
I hate that I procrastinate out of fear, not because I'm lazy
I hate that I have such a hard time focusing on a simple task
I hate that I can't just pick up the phone and make a simple call
I hate feeling like I'm not doing a good enough job
I hate feeling judged
I hate cosmetics, and feeling like I need to wear make up to be beautiful
I hate that I want to look older, when I know someday I'll want to look younger
I hate that my wardrobe affects my self esteem
I hate how I can be selfish, how I'd prefer to sulk and be miserable than talk
I hate how I can't help but get so emotional when I talk about my feelings
I hate that I can't find the words to tell you how much I love you

I am a free spirit;
I like freedom
I like being spontaneous
I like adventure, nature, beauty
I like room to grow, not small spaces; suffocation, limits
I like plain white paper, without feeling restricted by lines, and staying within the boundaries
I like unfolding mystery, guessing, suspense, thrills, rides
I like laughter, hugs & kisses, warmth, comfort
I like feeling appreciated
I like to make you feel special, I feel grateful and
I like saying thank you

Thank you for being you, and for bringing out the best in me.
Caught up in the everyday rush, I tend to look past all the wonderful things that make life worth living.

I love you.'


There you have it, and I feel so much better.
Thanks for reading.

Too young for motherhood? Enough already.

So this is my dilemma; call it what you will, I call it irritating.
A typical conversation might begin with small talk, and always comes down to the simple curiosity and probing question, 'you look a little young to be a mother', or 'she can not be yours, your like in high school'.
Based on your lack of knowledge, comments like that don't ease the conversation along any easier. Already I feel backed into a corner, and looking for anything to use as my defense. So maybe I do look a little young for my age. More like a student, fresh out of high school, than a young adult of twenty-four, but really it shouldn't make a difference. Age is just a number. Theoretically speaking, you can be twenty, thirty or forty, and in some cases never ready for children.
Shouldn't parenthood be based on level of maturity?
Obviously, I am not thumbs up to teenage pregnancy. The teenage years should be devoted to sense of self and understanding and throwing a baby into the mix would only complicate what's already a roller coaster of emotions.

Initially, I would feel a slight sense of embarrassment, and reveal my age, hoping it would be deemed acceptable. Until now, I have decided it is really not their business, nor do I wish to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing. Besides I like to keep them guessing, and causing such a stir among the older mothers.
I was once asked, 'So are you the nanny, or the sister?' Without missing a beat I replied, 'I'm her mother', and feeling proud of it.

To answer your question, because I know your just dying to know...
My daughter is my life. Everything I do is for her, and everything I am is because of her. I am not ashamed that I don't have an outstanding career, and currently not working up the chain towards financial success. Nor does material status matter to me at all. That does not mean that I have no goals for our future.
I have my own conquests, a direction I visualize a little further down the road, but right now, my family is my number one focus. This time that I have been given is the most valuable, precious and fulfilling experience I could ever ask for, and it goes by way to quickly as it is.